daily post challenge #262: what wouldn’t i tell my best friend

Lady Gaga performing

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The first and only thing that comes to mind is that I wouldn’t want to tell her anything hurtful. But by the same token, I wouldn’t want to be the recipient of a barb as well.

The media is rife with coverage of bullying these days. Lady Gaga has interjected herself into the milieu in support of a young fan who was a victim, who decided suicide was preferable to the ongoing hatefulness of others.

Saddle Wrasse, Thalassoma duperrey feeding on ...

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Teasing has always been a sore spot for me. The youngest of 9, I  was always the butt of sibling pranks. I most detested being chased the length of a sandy beach, my brother and sister threatening to throw a slimy sea urchin at me. They laughed hysterically. I wailed for my mom to stop them. She did. I so often solicited her aid, that my siblings taunted me with “You’re a spoiled brat!” “You’re a big baby!” They didn’t think it unfair that they were two, to my one. I had to bring in the big guns to even the playing field. But of course, my mom was more like a cannon.

It took me some time to convince my husband, the eldest of 12, that teasing is hurtful. For those who tease it may not seem so. They make a remark in the moment, tossing it out there like a discard. What they don’t realize is that the recipient may not be cut from the same cloth. Because of his or her own life experiences, “personal baggage” like low self-esteem, such teasing is like a lash of the whip. It stings, and often leaves scars. Those are a constant reminder of the hurt felt in the moment. And that hurt can last a lifetime…I know.

As my wise mother-in-law has said on more than one occasion, “Be careful what you say, for you can never take it back.” I heed her advice as best I can. More times than not I walk away from someone’s ill-placed statement. But it’s difficult to do so with someone I consider a loved one, a good friend, a confidante. It’s then I’m inclined to have my say, and make a clean breast of what bothers me. And it’s then, and only then, I say something I wouldn’t ordinarily say…to my best friend.

defense mechanisms…not something i use…or enjoy using…unless i have to…

………hugmamma.  

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25 thoughts on “daily post challenge #262: what wouldn’t i tell my best friend

      • Oh hugmamma, you may not be a techno geek but you are an awesome blogger! Love reading your posts on so many subjects and so well illustrated too. All of this learning how to navigate and write at the same time really reminds me of the early stages of parenthood. It’s like….can someone just give me the book that shows me how to do this!!?? I think my URL now says seraphim6.wordpress.com/ Oh well, maybe i’ll just be the phantom of the wordpress.com. See Ya!

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        • You’re giving me a swelled head. ha, ha. Fortunately my Catholic upbringing remains strong…humility is ingrained into every fiber of my being. I couldn’t have an inflated ego if I had a helium gas pump permanently attached to my hip. Actually I did read “Blogging for Dummies” and “WordPress for Dummies.” And…I went to a “Blogging 101” class at our local community college. Must admit they all helped me understand techno-speak. But practice, practice, practice and writing, writing, writing brought me to my current level of blogging. The help of other bloggers helped fine tune my skills. But I’m still a novice in many, many respects. There’s just so much to learn.

          be patient…you’ll catch on quickly…just keep your sunny disposition… 🙂

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  1. i agree hugmamma….bullying and putdowns really push my buttons. so often i have tried to interject myself in the situation (whether the bullying has been directed at me or at someone else) and the bully loves to either deny the bullying exists or say i am being too sensitive etc…it is hard to know the effective way to stick up for someone. i guess effective way means get it stopped…but you have to at least register your protest, right? sp love your blog…

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    • Thanks for your wonderful comment. Bullying is such a big issue. Not an easy one to tackle, but we can try to chip away at it. Not a great fan of Lady Gaga’s music and eccentricity, but I do admire that she stands up for gays and victims of bullying. She’s able to bring a tremendous fan-base to bear. Kudos to her!

      hugs for letting me know you like my blog…means a lot…love yours as well… 🙂

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  2. Pingback: DAILY POST CHALLENGE « Emotfit's Blog

  3. Thank you for this. My brothers delighted in tickling me until I wet my pants and then would call me baby, baby. Neither parent thought it worth their bother. My husband and foster children thought I was crazy to forbid tickling, but like you, I knew it wasn’t right. I not crying victim, lots have its lots worse and knowing my Mom had been physically abused has helped me keep perspective. Hoping that the suicide for teasing makes others more sensitive. Thank you and stay strong.

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    • My 2 siblings also liked to “tickle me to death” ’til I peed in my pants. I can only think perhaps those who do such things might be acting out their aggressions and frustrations on others unlikely or unable to fight back effectively. Vicious cycle…

      i’ve moved forward for sure…but memories are strong reminders…of joy…and sorrow…

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  4. Hello hugmamma, I enjoyed reading this post and the rest of your blog page! I have to tell you it is soooo nice to read something when someone is from Hawaii and is older than 20 or 30 something! Just started blogging this month and what a fun place! Thanks and keep the “ono” recipe section active cuz I sure miss da food especially plate lunches and bento boxes. 😦 Gonna subscribe now sista! Alooooha!

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    • Amazing how fate brought a fellow Hawaiian to my blog! And your kind words are like a fragrant lei draped about my neck. Your gravatar and your attitude ensure that you’ll have a fabulous time within the WordPress community of bloggers.

      Will definitely share more “ono-kine” food…my mouth’s already watering at the thought. Do you like canned corn beef with sliced onions and cabbage? I’ll be making it for dinner some time soon.

      hmmm…so “ono”… 🙂

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      • Oh yes, canned corn beef with onions and cabbage! And don’t forget to eat some spam musubi for me. Oh my, better go and work on blogging before I get too weak from island food deprivation. Thanks!

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        • I know what you mean. We had a car take us to and from the airport when we went on vacation recently. He was originally from Oahu. Keith hadn’t lost his Hawaiian attitude, even though he’s lived on the mainland a long time. He was like a breath of fresh air. My mouth watered just listening to him talk about island food. When he dropped us off, I told him to bring some when he picked us up on our return. Of course I was joking…

          or was i?… 😉

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hugs for sharing some brief thoughts...and keeping them positive

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