A visit to The Lady in the House at http://ladyinthehouse.net had me thinking about…nurturing thursdays.
In a piece entitled The Brilliance Behind Passive Agression, the writer expounds at length on the relationship between….in her imagery…the spider and the fly. The fly who is unwittingly caught in the web spun by the insidious spider.
Have you ever suffered the fate of the fly? Or have you been the one who masterfully lured it into your spidery world?
Neither image solicits a willingness to admit to being one or the other, or worse…both. Who wants to be seen as a dolt unable of detecting a death trap? And what woman would be the first to admit that she is a conniving arachnid?
It may be that The Lady in the House finds herself in just such a predicament. Having been an unsuspecting fly myself…more than once,…I can detect another victim in the offing.
Webster’s Dictionary defines passive as…2. submitting without resistance, and aggressive as…1. tending toward aggression. The latter being defined as…1. an unprovoked attack.
In other words, a passive-aggressive person cleverly adopts a laid-back stance so as to draw the unsuspecting object of her attention ever closer.
It may be that the spider, or the passive-aggressor, would defend her actions as a natural instinct to take a lesser creature…the fly…into her lair…for safekeeping. You know, sort of as a protector. There’s an assumption here that the fly needs protecting. Perhaps from herself.
I’ve fallen prey to folks who have seemingly had my best interests at heart…or so it seemed at first. I did notice the eye-rolling and the exasperated sighs and the words tinged with sarcasm, but I chalked them up to my imagination. After all, I was trying not to “take it personally.”
Fully invested, like the fly glued to the web, I became aware of more “red flags.” Until finally a zinger let loose, like “I care about you…BUT…”
When a so-called loved one tells you on one hand that they approve of you, BUT on the other hand you could use some improvement…RUN FOR THE HILLS…spider web or not. You’ll never, ever measure up. There’ll always be a teensy-weensy something that needs adjusting to bring you up to their standards.
And before you realize it, there goes your self-esteem…out the window!
Whether you learn to stand your ground or take your leave when it comes to folks who are passive agressive, just break the ties that bind…
…and push back!…push back hard!!!…
………hugmamma.
hugmamma's MIND, BODY and SOUL 
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hugs for the mention
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Ultimate realization … We are only human – and quite naturally that comes with flaws — but it is our own flaws providing the stepping stones for our refinement and growth. I think, we must remind ourselves we rarely measure up to other’s expectations!! It’s not their agenda we must live, but our own.
Happy Nurturing Thursday — thank you for connecting!
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You’re absolutely right! We must live according to our own agendas. Wish I’d have learned that earlier, rather than stressing for decades. No regrets, however. I’m happy in my own skin now, and that’s what matters. Hugs to you Becca on this…our nurturing Thursday! 🙂
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hugs for the mention
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“Ting of sarcasm” oh that is so hard to deal with…thanks for the reminder…to stand my ground…Great spider picture BTW
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Isn’t it though? It might be better, although I’m not sure, if someone was more up front with who they really are. Better to be told you don’t “cut the mustard,” than to be jerked around on a cleverly disguised, “loving” tether. Can you tell I’ve become rather cynical about passive-aggressive types? It’s mostly because I’ve no clue as to how to play their game…and I don’t really care to. hugs for visiting and leaving a comment. 🙂
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Great post! I’ve dealt a lot with these types at work over the years. They are very good in stalling needed change in the work place.
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It’s hard not to run up against passive-agressive types. They’re probably more prevalent than we know. It’s difficult to detect them at first because they’re very acquiescent and accommodating. They literally suck you in, and when they think they’ve won you over completely they begin the manipulations. In recent years, a couple of women whose friendships I had cherished began sniping…”How come you can’t bounce back from an overseas trip as quickly as your poor working husband?” and “Why can’t you make it to our early morning exercise class when I can, and we both have pets to walk and feed?” Unprepared for either assault, I was left speechless as they went on their merry way. With one, I tried explaining but decided it was pointless after the discussion escalated into ugliness. With the other, I’ve kept things light and maintained my distance. It’s not that passive-agressives are bad folks. They are probably better suited to those who can “push back” more easily and quickly than me. At 64, I prefer to spend my time with friends who expend positive, not negative, energy. It’s a lot more fun! 🙂
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