let’s give ’em…

Posted on February 24, 2016 by hugmamma

…something to talk about.

That’s been the media’s mantra throughout the presidential campaign.

True, it’s what they’re about no matter the topic. Ratings drive the media. Whatever sells…is news. And Trump’s been selling. Big time! So he’s always the headlines. The rest of the candidates have been orbiting around his sun, as far as the media is concerned.

So why would the media kill the “goose that lays the golden egg?” If Trump is elected president, the media is as much to thank as his herd of loyal followers.

Listening to MSNBC’s Chris Matthews…normally on the Democratic sideline…one gets the feeling that even he is rooting for Trump. Matthews likes that Trump is “having fun” during the presidential campaign. Great fun. At whose expense? Certainly not Matthews, nor the media at large. They’ll all be rolling in dough when the media ratings soar with Trump in the White House. There’ll be no lack of headline-grabbing news every time Trump bullies up to the podium.

Trump has matched wits with the media, ensnaring them into his web of open deception. Willing victims, the media have afforded Trump free publicity, even aiding and abetting in his lampooning the other candidates. The voting population-at-large would not be as tuned into Trump’s shenanigans if it weren’t for 24/7 coverage of his antics by CNN and the other major networks. They’re making a good living off of Trump and in return, he is reaping the massive exposure and raking in the votes.

So Trump wins!

…God forbid!

………hugmamma.

(photo…cnn.com)

stand-up comics…

Posted on October 7, 2015 by hugmamma

…Donald Trump and Kurt Schlicter.

We know who Trump is, but have you ever heard of Schlicter? I hadn’t a clue until he popped up on CNN today in defense of Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson. Actually, Trump also defended his fellow Republican candidate for not being politically correct, and telling it like it is. They all agree on one thing…the second amendment, the right to bear arms.

Carson said about the Umqua Community College shooting…and continues to say…

“Not only would I probably not cooperate with him, I would not just stand there and let him shoot me. I would say ‘Hey, guys, everybody attack him! He may shoot me but he can’t get us all,'” Carson said.

Wow!

Okay. Maybe in our wildest fantasies as super humanoids we might automatically go there…take a bullet and die like heroes. In fact one brave soul did do just that.

Chris Mintz, a 30-year old veteran who served 10 years in the army wasn’t “…going to stand around and watch something this horrific happen,” according to his cousin, Derek Bourgois of North Carolina. He went on to say of Mintz ” ‘He was on the wrestling team and he’s done cage-fighting so it does not surprise me that he would act heroically.’ “

Carson had not heard of Mintz’s heroism when asked by a reporter.

It’s so easy for Carson, Schlicter or Trump to say that the Umqua victims should have taken Mintz down. Are these men so sure they would have done exactly that…in the heat of the moment…when your brain is still in shock, unable to make any sense of the situation, knowing in seconds you may be dead? How do you process all that information with a gun pointing in your direction? Unless you’re trained to fight back from the get-go, as Mintz was, flight is usually the first thing you think of.

Flight or fight? It’s not fight or flight.

Our brains are primed to flee. Fighting is not an automatic for those of us in normal daily living mode. It might be different if our children were in the line of fire, then we might go into mama bear/papa bear mode. The same could be said for a husband willing to die to save his family. But strangers barely connecting before a mass shooting? Especially students in a classroom who are sitting ducks.

It’s for sure these men who throw words around just because they’ve got an appreciative audience, would eat their own words if their children or wives were those same sitting ducks. I can’t imagine Carson thinking…”I hope my son (he has 3) volunteers to intercept a madman trying to kill others.”

In an online article, “What The Hell Is An Angry Conservative Suppose To Do?,” Kurt Schlicter, a conservative commentator, derides the various and sundry Republican candidates for president. Of Carson, Schlicter says…

The outsiders shouldn’t be president. Sorry. Dr. Carson is a nice man who has no instinct for ripping out his opponents’ jugular. I want to hear some liberal womyn lamenting the crushing of our enemies, Doc, but you’d probably go and comfort them.

And of Trump, Shlicter says…

And then there’s Donald Trump, whose embarrassing debate performance started the trend of people saying, “You know, it was fun for a while but this guy has become tiresome.”

Trump has the aggression – that’s the only thing I like about him – but it’s also the only thing he has. The polls are showing that his novelty is wearing off; people can only deal with so much whining. He’ll always have a hardcore set of minions, but for the first time in weeks I don’t think we have to seriously contemplate the notion of Ivanka the veep.

So what makes Schlicter an expert on presidential candidates…or for that matter, politics?

He is a successful Los Angeles trial lawyer, a veteran with a masters in Strategic Studies from the United States Army War College, and a former stand-up comic. …Kurt rose to the rank of Army colonel (Infantry), commanded a cavalry recon squadron, and served in Desert Storm and Kosovo as well as multiple disaster operations. He lives in the South Bay area of Los Angeles where his hobbies include red meat and red wine.

I think it’s what he said at the end of his article on being an angry conservative…that makes me dislike Schlicter intensely.

Which leaves Carly. She seems ticked off. I like that. She kicks tail. I like that too. She can put together a coherent sentence. Finally. I don’t despise her. That’s something new for a GOP candidate. And, best of all, I think the elite distrusts her and Hillary fears her – in fact, she could mop the floor with the Orange Pantsuit Lady.

Yeah, maybe Carly.

Maybe.

But if not her, and if there’s no one else, then I’m still ready to burn it all down.

That’s the trouble with the extreme rightists…

…they’d just as soon america go to hell…

…than work with obama and the democrats.

………hugmamma.

…i’m impressed…

Posted on September 17, 2015 by hugmamma

…with Carly Fiorina.

Like millions, I was tuned in to the Republican presidential debates yesterday. Although I’m an Independent, I tend to align myself with the Democrats. Nevertheless, I can be swayed to vote Conservative if I’m persuaded. And I might just be when I vote for the President of the United States in 2016.

Hillary Clinton, although experienced and smart, is packaged wrong. And I’m not referring to her looks. There’s something about her that’s unappealing. She talks and talks and talks. I wish she could be more succinct, like Fiorina. Unlike Clinton’s voice, which at times sounds whiny, Fiorina’s sounds strong and commanding. She got my attention yesterday. I wanted to hear what she had to say. In fact hers was the only voice I did want to hear.

The men all sounded alike…droning on and on without really capturing my attention. Yes, like most others watching I’m sure, I did stop to hear what Trump had to say. However it was only to see what else he got wrong. Listening to him was like listening to girlfriends vent…without really contributing substantively to the political conversation. Anyone can say…”I think I’d get along well with Putin” or “There aren’t many who would know the names of the leaders of the Islamic militant groups” or “I’d build a big wall.”

Someone asking for my presidential vote has got to be able to “talk the talk, and walk the walk.” In my opinion, Trump neither talks presidential, nor walks presidential.

Of course the CNN pundits were off and running today, picking apart every word, every nuance, every gesture of each Republican running for president. A nice position to be in…getting paid, handsomely I might add…to give a blow by blow commentary of the battle being waged among those committed to serving their constituents. Can you tell? I’m not a huge fan of the mainstream media.

Marco Rubio and Lindsay Graham seemed to edge out their competitors, according to the pundits. Rubio, because he was able to remain focused upon his own experiences, both personal and professional. Graham, because he never wavered in his commitment to wage a ground war on Isis were he to become president. I wouldn’t vote for either man. Rubio, because he would represent his constituency to the exclusion of those not politically aligned with him. That would exclude me. Graham, because he is so backward thinking. What worked in the past, probably won’t work in the future. And waging war in Syria would probably involve Russia, which could mean we’d finally have ourselves a Third World War. Now that would be hitting the reset button…big time. With Mother Nature already waging war on us…we might never recover.

I agree with the pundits that New Jersey’s Governer Christie probably “shot himself in the foot” over the bridge incident. According to Wikipedia…

The Fort Lee lane closure scandal, also known as the George Washington Bridge lane closure scandal, Bridgegate,^[1]^[2] or Bridgeghazi, is a U.S.political scandal in which a staff member and political appointees of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie colluded to create traffic jams in Fort Lee, New Jersey by closing lanes at the toll plaza^[3]^[4] to the George Washington Bridge.^[5]

I’m sure it also didn’t help when he was caught canoodling with Democratic Obama during the president’s visit to survey the damage wrought upon Christie’s state by Hurricane Sandy.

Former Governor Jeb Bush, not as colorful as his brother, the former president, will also not get my vote. And if I remember correctly, I voted for George W…twice! What was I thinking? Most likely Bush’s cowboy persona got everyone with his ” let’s hog tie ’em and shoot ’em up” mentality. And we’re still paying for it in Iraq. By comparison, Jeb has zero persona. None. Zilch. I think he’s a nice guy, especially when he tried to get Trump to apologize to Columba about the nastiness he directed her way. But as Trump later said…Jeb didn’t continue to press Trump for an apology. The request just kind of…dissipated. So how would Jeb deal with Putin? I wouldn’t want to find out.

Dr. Carson. A nice, intelligent-sounding man. Seems he might be better at schmoozing with Congress than Obama, who has no stomach or skill for it. I liked Carson, but I wouldn’t vote for him either. He’s too laid back for me. Too easy-going to be President of the most powerful country in the world. I couldn’t see him making split second decisions, like taking out Osama bin Laden as Obama did.

President Fiorina. Has a nice ring to it. I’ll just have to hone up on her background. Now that would be a debate for which the entire world would come to a standstill.

Fiorina vs. Clinton.

And in my humble opinion, either one would be a worthy contender to become…

…president of the united states!

………hugmamma.

…everybody loves me…

Posted on July 8, 2015 by hugmamma

…said Donald Trump in a clip from his interview with Anderson Cooper airing tonight on CNN. In the same breath, Trump mumbled something about his expertise at “playing the game.”

Those Americans reflected in the polls as favoring Trump’s no-nonsense style, hear what they want to hear. The rest of what Trump says lands on deaf ears. They’re not tuning in to his mumbo jumbo about not knowing what might have happened 35 years ago concerning the use of illegal immigrants in his real estate ventures.

Trump is definitely of the mindset…do as I say…not as I do. Unless he tells you to do it, that is.

Imagine The Donald as President of the United States of America. Rest assured it will be a dictatorship of which he and his subjects will be mightily proud. He will make no apologies for sending your sons into battle to teach our supposed enemies a lesson.

Trump probably sees himself as The Duke, John Wayne’s, successor. No doubt about it. In fact, Trump probably feels he has The Duke beat…by several billions.

A president who runs the country like a “dog-eat-dog” capitalistic empire, Trump would either alienate the rest of the world…or have them eating out of his hands…or both. It’s most likely the majority would smile to his face, making false promises to cooperate, all the while bad-mouthing him for his lack of empathy with those not in his stratosphere…99% of Americans.

Each president has had his failings. I fear Trump’s predisposition toward King Midas’ fantasy throne, however, would be America’s undoing. With his blonde hair waving in the breeze, he might provide just the red flag needed by our enemies to have them running like the bulls in Spain…

…to gore the biggest bull of all.

………hugmamma.

long gone…the wild, wild west…

Posted on September 1, 2014 by hugmamma

Repeated several times on CNN news this morning were the compelling stories of American hostages being held by the government in North Korea, as well as by ISIS terrorists in Syria. Anyone listening to their pleas for release must feel compassion for them and for their loved ones back home. No one would want to trade places with either the captives or their families.

I must confess that while my immediate reaction is one of sympathy, there’s also a niggling feeling that Americans tend to take risks without sufficient thought as to the consequences. Yes, I’m sure they reflect upon the matter, but not enough to dissuade them from their course it seems.

For better or worse, we Americans tend to think we can go anywhere, do anything. We rationalize our thinking by either following our God-given right to do so, or our sense of morality. Meanwhile, we don’t take into account that other cultures might feel the same way about their rights and moral obligations.

That I can understand the other side’s viewpoint is perhaps owing to the fact that the Hawaiian Islands, my birthplace, were annexed by the United States against the will of the reigning Monarch, Queen Liliuokalani, and the majority of natives.

Of course the transaction was not a simple one. It never is. There was enough finger-pointing to go around. However, the Western businessmen who prodded the U.S. Congress and President Cleveland into making Hawaii a Republic had railed against the natives as being ignorant heathens unable to rule themselves.

Of the 150,000 Hawaiian residents, fewer than 800 were allowed to vote for the ratification of the Republic of Hawaii.

“Why is that?” you ask.

King Kalakaua, the queen’s predecessor, was unable to secure the intervention of other foreign powers to help thwart the efforts of his opponents. He was forced to sign into law a constitution which required voters to own property. It became known as the Bayonet Constitution. According to the well-written book Princess Kaiulani, Hope of a Nation, Heart of a People by Sharon Linnea…

This effectively took the vote away from most native Hawaiians and gave it to virtually every Western businessman, even those who weren’t citizens. Why did so few Hawaiians own land? For centuries, Hawaiian land had been overseen by the alii and his people–the concept of owning land was completely foreign to Hawaiians. When Western businessmen had begun to want to own Hawaiian property (and reap Hawaiian sugar profits), land formerly governed by alii had been parceled out to the Hawaiian people. Native Hawaiians, often unable to read English, had had no understanding of how a piece of paper could mean that they “owned” mountains or lakes or coastland, and they had been happy to sell the deeds to Westerners for cash in hand. In this way, many Hawaiians had ended up homeless in their own country. Now, according to the new constitution, the Westerners had bought up votes along with the land. The running of the country would now be in their hands.

Yes. I have empathy for fellow Americans who find themselves in life or death situations. However my eyes are also open to those who might feel we are trespassing upon their territory, their religion, their culture. So the fact that our government must tread lightly when our citizens find themselves on hostile turf is not altogether unexpected.

…the days of the wild, wild west…are no more.

………hugmamma.

(Photo courtesy of Wikipedia)

could i do better?…could you?

Posted on June 17, 2014 by hugmamma

Every now and then something on CNN prompts me to reflect upon President Obama’s handling of national and world affairs. I must confess I’m no expert in government matters. Who is?

Yes, there are those with years, even decades of experience. Naturally, that counts for something. But so does an opinion.

In the last month or so I’ve read a couple of presidential biographies, one on Dwight D. Eisenhower, the other on Richard M. Nixon. I’m now burrowing through one on John F. Kennedy.

Biographies are my favorite reads. They’re part history, part gossip…some factual, some speculative. I especially like getting to know the private person, the one the public rarely, if ever, sees.

My takeaway from Eisenhower’s biography was that he was a disciplined man given to sacrificing his personal life for his life as a public servant. His wife, Mamie, followed in her husband’s wake keeping herself intact, physically and mentally, as best she could. Eisenhower governed like the military man that he was, gathering his group of trusted, male cohorts about him to advise his next moves. Oddly enough, or maybe not, Vice President Nixon was not among them.

Political ambition had the starring role in Nixon’s life. It took him to the summit only attained by a few mortals, and it plunged him into the darkest depths where few souls ever tread. Pat, his “partner in crime,” believed her husband honorable in all he undertook. She saw the glory and the sorrow of a man driven to create the America of his vision. As we all know, Nixon fell far short of his ill-conceived plan.

There were moments of greatness in Kennedy’s life. His inaugural speech challenged us to “Ask not what your country can do for you…ask what you can do for your country.” Thousands answered the challenge by joining the president’s newly instituted Peace Corps. The Cuban Missile Crisis probably aged Kennedy faster than all other obstacles combined…chronic back pain…a spendthrift-fashionista-first lady…an insatiable appetite for women…and Governor Wallace’s hard-core opposition to black-equality.

And where was Jackie in all of this? She loved Jack is all…and his money. Evidently the Kennedys were a good match. He had his faults; she had hers. Great thing is…they both understood each other’s imperfections and still managed to love one another “until death do us part.” Which it did, unfortunately.

The Obamas seem a different breed from what we’ve encountered before. At least I think so.

President Obama, as a former law professor, governs as though he is still in the classroom. He welcomes, even encourages, creative thinking. In the end, however, it’s his lone voice that decides the course of events. Yes, he has campaigned hard for tenure, and won. How he has managed to do so in the face of the Koch brothers and the billions they spend advancing the cause of the Tea Party is unfathomable.

I like to think it’s because Obama’s cause is morally right. I’m a sucker for those showing compassion for the less fortunate. And although the president has an ego the size of the universe…what leader doesn’t?

Funny how I can relate to Obama’s thought processes in making decisions, and the mistakes he’s bound to make given that he’s human. And maybe that’s just it…he’s human. It might also be that he lived a life more similar to mine, especially since he grew up in my native Hawaii. Beyond that, however, he wasn’t a product of a military background like Eisenhower. Nor from what I can surmise, Obama wasn’t driven by a burning desire to star in the White House. That came later, after he failed to move mountains as a human rights activist in the Chicago projects, and a stint in the senate.

While I’m an unlikely prospect to be one of Michelle Obama’s best buds, I get what she’s about. First and foremost, she’s a mom like me. Moreover, she will preach her husband’s goodness to all and any. Woe to those who dare challenge us on that front.

No, I don’t consider myself in the same league as these notables. Nor would I ever care to be. With their power and celebrity comes a whole host of problems I wouldn’t want. Given their unique circumstances, I think the presidents and their first ladies do the best they can. It may be difficult for them to remember that they’re made of clay like us, given how the media keeps the spotlight on them 24/7.

Maybe we can remember for them…

…they wear bvd’s and girdles too!

………hugmamma.

(I know. I know. I’m dating myself…)

a little odd…

Posted on October 26, 2012 by hugmamma

The hostile environment surrounding our elections seems to eat away at one’s core. In order to prevent such an occurrence, one has to step back, breathe deeply, and take a broader view of the picture.

The political landscape has disintegrated into millions of dollars worth of negative ads…running 24/7. And, of course, there are the media pundits only too ready and willing to guide us through the maddening maze.

I’ve made my choice…I voted for President Obama.

With his family by his side, Barack Obama is sworn in as the 44th president of the United States by Chief Justice of the United States John G. Roberts, Jr. in Washington, D.C., Jan. 20, 2009. More than 5,000 men and women in uniform are providing military ceremonial support to the presidential inauguration, a tradition dating back to George Washington’s 1789 inauguration. VIRIN: 090120-F-3961R-919 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

These next few days are just gravy.

My brain continues to sift through all the lumps, so that what’s being dished up is…more palatable.

Through all the noise, the media has offered snippets of this Administration’s accomplishments.

To name a few.

Equal pay for equal work…insurance coverage for pre-existing conditions and for dependents until age 26…tax cuts for the middle class and small businesses…the elimination of terrorist leaders, including Osama bin Laden…repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell”…temporarily allowing children of illegal immigrants to remain in the country in which many were born, until more can be done.

Granted, the President has not done all things…for all people. What President has?

What’s disturbing is the ugly rhetoric that has been allowed to surface.

Former New Hampshire Governor John Tsununu has no qualms about slinging racial eptithets in the President’s direction.

One of the most frequent offenders along those lines from Democrats’ point of view, former New HampshireGov. John Sununu, stirred the pot again Thursday night. Appearing on CNN, the national co-chair for the Romney campaign told host Piers Morgan that he believed Colin Powell’s endorsement of President Obama was essentially based on race.

Mr. Sununu said: “I think when you have somebody of your own race that you’re proud of being president of the United States – I applaud Colin for standing with him.”

He later walked back his comments, issuing a statement saying he believed Mr. Powell’s endorsement was based on “his support of the president’s policies.” But Sununu has previously come under fire for other remarks perceived as having racial implications, such as calling the president “lazy,” and saying he wished he would “learn how to be an American.”

Then there’s the abominable Donald Trump who, from time to time, has interjected himself into this presidential election. Seemingly to draw the conversation away from serious issues, allowing him to momentarily bask in the spotlight, usually…to his complete embarrassment.

It’s not difficult to locate further YouTube examples of right-wing disdain for the Blacks, dating back just a few years.

There’s conservative FOX Channel TV’s Glenn Beck who tends to run off at the mouth…but when confronted about his deep-seated beliefs…refuses to own them.

And then there’s a member of Governor Romney’s church, who clarifies the Mormon viewpoint of Blacks…as being the descendants…of Cain.

So it makes one wonder, why…in spite of President Obama’s accomplishments and an economy that is on the upswing…whites are lining up in droves to vote in favor of Romney. In particular, white men.

…a curious phenomenon…or not?…

……..hugmamma.

civility…lost?

Posted on August 16, 2012 by hugmamma

“Peace and kindness…but aggressive in what I believe in.”

Something I heard during an interview on NCRP news today. The man who spoke these words is an Oregon art gallery owner who, because of his own experience as a gay man, helped to promote female artists overlooked in their day, because of their gender.

I too subscribe to peace and kindness…and agression in what I believe.

I believe in Obama’s efforts as a public servant and leader for all classes, just as some of you are convinced that Romney will give the middle class and poor a new direction on the road to prosperity.

That we can be passionate about our political and moral views without repercussion is what makes America great.

Times have changed, however, with 24/7 news, the Internet, social media, and the birth of the Tea Party.

History shows we cannot return to Pandora’s Box…what we’ve already let out.

I’m hopeful the same isn’t true about our treatment of one another…one civilized human being…to another.

News pundits with their redundant questions that sensationalize and fan the fires of hostility, act as catalysts to incite the current incivility so apparent in our country’s political arena.

Like sharks in a feeding frenzy.

…don’t get caught up… in the bloodbath…

………hugmamma. 😦 😦 😦

helping the poor…or not…

Posted on August 13, 2012 by hugmamma

According to http://money.cnn.com/2012/08/13/news/economy/ryan-medicaid/?source=cnn_bin …

An Urban Institute analysis of Ryan’s budget proposal from last year found block grants would lead states to drop between 14 million and 27 million people from Medicaid by 2021 and cut reimbursements to health care providers by 31%.

Up to 10 million people could lose nutrition assistance since $134 billion would be cut from the program over 10 years, according to the Center for American Progress Action Fund.

And at least 62% of Ryan’s $5.3 trillion in nondefense budget cuts over 10 years come from programs that serve the poor, according to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities.

“This budget is Robin Hood in reverse — on steroids,” said Robert Greenstein, the center’s president, when the Ryan plan was announced. “It would likely produce the largest redistribution of income from the bottom to the top in modern U.S. history and likely increase poverty and inequality more than any other budget in recent times.”

First Published: August 13, 2012: 5:16 AM ET

…again…your vote…

………hugmamma.

england’s monarchy…still relevant?

Posted on April 28, 2011 by hugmamma

Image by AN HONORABLE GERMAN via Flickr

Thought I’d poll readers of hugmamma’s mind, body and soul as to your opinion about the relevance of the British monarchy going forward? What prompted my curiosity is that Bill Cafferty of CNN just revealed that a poll taken by anti-monarchy supporters showed that only 3% of Brits will be tuned into coverage of the wedding between William and Kate. Forty-six percent said they could care less. While only their countrymen know for sure why the disinterest, I wondered if you’d weigh in on the discussion.

As I indicated in the previous post, “entrepreneurialship..the royal connection,” I’m definitely up for the entertainment factor. Prince meets commoner, falls in love, and makes her his princess. I mean I grew up reading fairy tales, imagining my handsome knight in white armor would carry me off to his princely castle, on his magnificent steed. That romantic notion has been imbedded into my brain cells for more than half-a-century. So for me, being happy for Kate is part of the fibre of who I am.

Image by sk8geek via Flickr

On the other hand, the wealth of the monarchy in an economy where the masses over whom they are figurehead rulers, makes me wonder about its morality. Just as I’ve difficulty stomaching the upper echelons of society everywhere, having billions to pad their lifestyles, while the majority of the world lives in poverty, I can’t imagine twenty-something year olds William and Kate continuing the inheritance of wealth when people their age are “sleeping rough,” as the prince himself has witnessed.

Image via Wikipedia

But the decision is not mine to make, it belongs in the hands of English citizens…like Sylvia. And I know her opinion in the matter. But what’s yours? Leave a comment and we’ll see what “hugmamma’s” poll reveals. No comments will indicate the topic’s irrelevant.

can’t wait to see…what you think…

…..still relevant?…..hugmamma.

Image via Wikipedia

when to “cease and desist,”parenting

Posted on December 11, 2010 by hugmamma

Sometimes parenting a daughter who is legally an adult at 24, is like “walking on eggshells,” like “walking a tightrope,” like jumping from a plane hoping my parachute will open. Until a few years ago, her life was still within the realm of our control; it still is to some degree, because we continue to offer financial support. But having lived on her own since she was 19, it’s not easy to reel her in at this stage. Not that reeling her in is necessary. But I’m sure all parents agree that there are times we are impatient to substitute our substantial years of experience, for their paltry few. My husband has no problem restraining himself. I, on the other hand, am usually chomping at the bit. This is not surprising, if you’ve been a regular reader of my blog.

Deciding to give an opinion, in the form of advice, is a slippery slope. Fortunately, I have a huge inventory of words at my disposal to wend my way in and out of a tricky conversation. It’s like fencing, or a game of chess. I move; she moves. I act; she reacts; I react, and so on, and so forth. What usually begins as opposing viewpoints, evolves into an understanding of sorts. She sees my perspective as a concerned mom, and I realize her life is hers to live. And that’s the best I can hope for, an understanding that there are 2 sides to every story. But ultimately this is my daughter’s story, not mine. Wouldn’t we all like to write a happily-ever-after for our children?

Living in an apartment together while my daughter trained as a ballerina, gave us 2 1/2 years to bond, and then separate. I knew it was time to leave her, when the time came. Weaning her from total dependence upon my husband and I, was our daughter’s rite-of-passage. And she was ready to take the reins, even though her future, personally and professionally, was far from certain. In the ensuing years, she has weathered her share of challenges, managing the repair work when her bathroom ceiling fell in, minor car accidents, the end of a long relationship, auditioning for a dance job, career politics, and health issues. We were always available, on the other end of the telephone.

Children grow up, despite our hovering. What my daughter and I have always shared, and continue to share, is a two-way conversation. We’ve never turned our backs on communication, because we know we love each other unconditionally. There are tears and raised voices, for sure, but there are calming words and soothing hugs as well.

So I continue to hover, and will probably do so until I draw my last breath. My daughter will always know where I stand. What she does with that knowledge is her decision as an adult. I can’t live her life, I can only cherish it. So while I won’t cease and desist, I will step back, knowing that my daughter is well equipped to determine the course of her life. I’ll be here when her life takes a “detour.” She will probably seek advice, and I’ll be happy to oblige. As Elizabeth Edwards told Wolf Blitzer of CNN in an interview, “There’s no mother who doesn’t want to put her two cents in.”