nurturing thursdays: their problem…not yours

A mother’s comment led me to repostBelieve at, something I’d written a few years ago. Having read the original post only a couple of days ago, she left these words…

“Thank you for your beautiful poem! I just sent it in a card (with you credited of course) to a homesick son away at boot camp.”

I could only think how inspiring this mother is to take her son’s preparation for the difficult road ahead…with such grace. I thought “I should thank her,” and I did.

At the time I wrote Believe, I was experiencing self-doubt.

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, diving into situations with a typically hugmamma attitude. Not quite Pollyana, since I do have a cynical side…partly because I was raised by a single-parent…and partly, because I was a New Yorker for 10 years.

Without going into details, I was totally blind-sided to discover that my good intentions of many years were probably not received as they were offered…unconditionally and without reservation. Instead, criticism withheld for who knows how long seeped in. Like molten lava…hot to the touch…becoming solid rock over time.

After much soul-searching and loving support from my own family, I moved on finding renewed faith in myself. I awoke early one morning and wrote Believe.

Compassion for others begins with compassion for myself.

As I reflect once more upon what I’d written, I’m reminded of what I told my daughter when she was too young to understand why others could be so unkind.

When others said or did something hurtful to my child, I told her she wasn’t responsible for what they said or did. Their words and deeds were coming from within themselves. The problem was theirs, not my daughter’s.

We are not the focal point of others’ lives. We should not think we are. Once we accept this fact, we can be free of the chaos we create for ourselves. We needn’t be bound by the ill-placed actions of those with an axe to grind.

Everyone lives their own lives the best they can. No one is exempt from life’s dark side. While I try very hard not to pass judgment on others…only God can do that…I prefer to thrive in the company of those who are generous in thought and deed. They keep me grounded in who I am and want to be…

…a person of compassion.


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14 thoughts on “nurturing thursdays: their problem…not yours

  1. Pingback: Nurturing Thurs – IN WAITING | "On Dragonfly Wings with Buttercup Tea"

  2. Hugmamma, I totally understand. I told my children pretty much the same thing. I told them that not everyone was going to like them. That it was that person’s problem not theirs. Perhap they even reminded the other person of someone they knew and disliked. Not everyone is going to be our friend, and we have to just go on with our lives. As long as we’re content with ourselves and have a loving family and friends, we shouldn’t let discontented people disturb us. 🙂 —Susan

    Liked by 1 person

    • So true, Susan. I’m afraid it took me a lot longer to realize for myself. I think it’s easier to see when it concerns our child. At least for me life became more crystal clear because of my daughter. I learned to have more compassion for myself because parenting allowed me to see that I could forgive myself if I didn’t get it perfect. My daughter still loved me, and I had another chance to do better.


  3. Everyone should think so. We spend our lives judging ourselves by what others think and say. I was made fun of in middle school, and it haunts me to this day. I wish my mother (or someone else) would have told me what you told your daughter. We are all diamonds — if someone else doesn’t see it, feel it, it’s their inability to see. It’s THEIR problem. And you ARE a diamond, Huggy!=,

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Compassion for others begins with compassion for myself. Absolutely!!

    I wish my parents had given me this advice:
    When others said or did something hurtful to my child, I told her she wasn’t responsible for what they said or did. Their words and deeds were coming from within themselves. The problem was theirs, not my daughter’s.
    Thank you for sharing gem of nurturing truth! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • It really is, Meg. It’s amazing how others try to foist their problems on unsuspecting souls. It’s taken me a long time to realize that for myself. It was easier to see the truth in my child’s situation. Perhaps it’s because as adults, there’s a lot more “smoke and mirrors” in our dealings with one another. Much of it also has to do with passive aggressive personalities who manipulate us into thinking we’re the problem, not them. hugs for the comment…


hugs for sharing some brief thoughts...and keeping them positive

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