…new “normal”…???

Politicians and the media are now calling gun massacres…the new “normal.” Unfortunately once our self-appointed mouthpieces put it out there, it sticks. Their favorite catch-all being…”the majority of Americans think.” I hate when they say that. None of them ever asked me for my opinion.

What’s scary is the fact that the new “normal” will become fodder for statistical data…namely racking up deaths of innocent folks in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s like a death lottery with names appearing on a draft list of the unlucky ones.

I don’t mean to sound morbid, but those who poison the atmosphere with sensational rhetoric make light of a horrific anomaly.

Personally I think President Obama has the right attitude. His focus is upon solving problems as they occur. He’s done it time and again, beginning with the financial crisis at the start of his presidency almost 8 years ago. The President is a deliberate problem solver which unnerves those wanting instant gratification which, in our current society, is just about everyone.

Since it first exploded on U.S. soil in 2011, terrorism has metamorphosed into what we are now witnessing…”mom and pop” type store fronts popping up willy-nilly all over the place. What Trump and others like him seem to overlook is that these types of terrorists have proliferated among us in the guise of white men, mostly young. Lee Harvey Oswald killed President Kennedy. James Earl Ray killed Martin Luther King. Sirhan Sirhan killed Robert Kennedy. Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon. John Hinckley tried to assassinate President Reagan.

Then, of course there was Columbine, Sandy Hook, the Arizona Safeway attack…which almost took the life of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords…and the Umqua, Oregon shooting. In these mass shootings James Eagan Holmes, Adam Lanza, Jared Lee Loughner and Christopher Harper-Mercer were considered societal misfits. Their cases propelled mental illness to the forefront of America’s collective consciousness. Eventually however they, along with their victims, disappeared from view, resurfacing only annually on the anniversaries of those events.

By comparison with these forerunners of terrorist attacks upon American society, the recent San Bernardino massacre was the first carried out by a man and a woman…who HAPPENED to be Muslims. First and foremost as with the others mentioned above, this husband and wife were obviously societal misfits…even within their own Islamic community. Many of that faith, including those born in America, have decried the killers as abhorrent. Why then should the entire Muslim population world-wide be denigrated because of those pledging allegiance to Isis, a group as deranged as Hitler?

Consider that not even the brothers Tsarnaevs who carried out the attack during the Boston Marathon were railed against as Muslims, which they were. It’s clearly the timing in that the San Bernardino massacre occurred shortly after the Paris attacks…and in the midst of a contentious presidential campaign. It might also be Trump’s presence on the national stage…namely his big mouth…which has pointed the finger at Muslims in general. It served his purpose of keeping media attention, and free publicity, on him.

Mental illness and gun control are not high on Trumps agenda…getting elected to the White House is…and he’ll do ANYTHING, including lambasting an entire population…to serve his interests.

We shouldn’t be the dummies…

…in trump’s ventriloquist act.

………hugmamma.

 

 

 

parents matter…

The role we play in the lives of our children really does have a lifelong impact. Whether we are good at it or not so good, will affect the adults our children grow up to become. It follows the rule of…cause and effect.

For most of us the path is unpredictable. It’s not like hitting a bull’s eye with a bow and arrow. Or is it?

I’ve never shot an arrow, but I imagine that when you pull the arrow back there’s a quiver in the movement which you must control so as to hit the target. That momentary quiver might be compared to the push and pull parents and children engage in as they strive to become independent. Not all “hit the mark” set by society.

Special needs children are doubly challenging for parents ill-equipped to manage their youngster’s early years, not to mention when they become teenagers and young adults. Their journey towards independence requires a lot more strength…to keep the bow from quivering so much that the arrow misses its mark altogether. More patience is required to keep a steady hand, no matter the repetitive practice involved.

Introducing guns into the mix is likely to upset the fine balance necessary in youngsters’ lives already compromised. Once they begin to think for themselves, they begin to make their own judgement calls.

A gun in the hand of a youngster beset by his own trials and tribulations can be a tool to end it all…as in the cases of the Newtown, Connecticut and Umpqua,Oregon shooters.

California just adopted the “right to die” law allowing assisted suicide for terminally ill patients. It is only the 5th state to enact this law. A testament to the fact that lawmakers, all right-thinking adults politically appointed to make decisions for their constituency, have pondered long and hard whether or not to allow suicide under any circumstance.

Why then would a parent put a gun in the hands of a youngster who, at times, struggles with life? The responsibility if he takes his own life and the lives of others must be shared by those making guns accessible to him…

…including those who love him.

………hugmamma.

BPD and parenting

A writer whose hope soars heavenward, even as she stands in quicksand. Her life…a prayer.
………hugmamma.

kelzbelzphotography

A while ago I was asked by a fellow blogger about parenting and bpd (boarderline personality disorder) and how it affects my parenting and children. Most of my mental illness is minimised for them. They don’t know about my attempts or self harm. They know mummy was very sick and sad and was in hospital a few times. They know I’ve been in therapy and group. I’ve discussed the ins and outs. Why I did it, basically what it involves. I’ve been honest now when mummy is sad. It’s ok mummy is allow to cry or get angry sometimes. But mummies skills will make it better. They have both seen how low I was, and now how stable I am. I’ve had to gain their trust again. They were both scared they would have to move out again. It’s ongoing with their trust. It can take something simple as me…

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i was there…newtown

I’ve been away from my laptop and Word Press for some time now. There’ve been issues to deal with, some health, some holiday preparedness.

Sitting for hours at a time is not heart-healthy. Nor is it wise for me to overwork my arthritic right thumb…now in a customized brace which I wear daily.

Readership is down considerably. But I’ve learned to accept the ebb and flow of visitors to hugmamma’s mind, body, and soul. The wisdom of age is understanding that life is comprised of many, wonderful moments…and learning to love them…as they occur.

Rigidly living life…is not really living at all.

These last few days, however, life has slowed down for all of us, almost coming to a total halt.

The killing of 6 and 7-year-olds…an incomprehensible tragedy. I am reminded of that other Connecticut tragedy…the doctor whose wife and 2 daughters were slaughtered, after the girls were savagely raped.

I knew I’d want to write about the devastation in Newtown, but decided to take some time to collect my thoughts. Especially since the area was home to my husband, daughter and me for 13 years before we moved west.

Everything the media says about the idyllic life in the small community of Newtown is true. It’s also true of nearby Easton, Weston, and Redding…our home town for 11 years.

Picture postcards do not do justice to the pastoral settings of these towns. One can only glimpse small slices as an outsider.

Living there is…

…awaking to explosions of fall colors in our own backyard…

…traversing 2-lane country roads on the way to everywhere…

…walking our daughter to the nearby Boys and Girls Club for birthday parties…

…celebrating our faith in a tiny, 100-year-old church…

…marching alongside our daughter and the other Brownies in the town’s Memorial Day Parade…

…selling handmade crafts in the annual fair held on the Town Green

trick-or-treating with friends throughout a nearby cul-de-sac, led by a horse who loved a carrot or two.

I made regular trips to Newtown, 10 or 15 minutes from my home. I patronized its antique shops, reveling in my discoveries. Hollandia Nursery was my favorite destination, where I bought most of the plants that graced the gardens surrounding our 110-year-old, Victorian farmhouse. If you visit http://www.ctgrown.com/html/photos.cfm  you’ll get a feel for the wonder that is the New England countryside.

Until she was 11-years-old, our daughter called Redding and the surrounding communities…home. My husband commuted the 2 hours to his job in Queens, New York, just so our child could grow up in the serenity of a small town. He afforded her the same experience we knew as children growing up in Maui and Oahu in the 1950s.

A dear friend who still lives in Redding, and has been a long-time administrator for a couple of schools, commiserated with me that our daughters would find the world beyond their small-town very different. However I think we’d both agree that our girls learned good-old-fashioned values, the kind espoused in Norman Rockwell paintings.

My daughter, a career ballerina, and my friend’s daughter, a veterinarian, grew up fulfilling dreams held long ago… in a small town in Connecticut. Something no longer possible for…

…james…olivia…ana…grace…emilie…jesse…noah…avielle…caroline…catherine…charlotte…chase…daniel…dylan…jessica…josephine…jack…madeleine.

There but for the grace of God.

Let us love our children with our entire beings, so that they grow up to be healthy adults able to cope with life’s ups and downs.

Death awaits all of us. The date and time are unknown. But how we live all the minutes until then…are totally ours to determine.

…let’s choose to live them…with the joy and simplicity of those wise beyond their years…our children…

Chess Club at Sandy Hook School in Newtown, CT...

Chess Club at Sandy Hook School in Newtown, CT, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

………hugmamma.

 

helping the disenfranchised, “real change”

Today I was reminded of what I’d seen occur elsewhere in the country. A black man stood outside the front door of Trader Joe’s, approaching customers as they walked into the store. He seemed to gauge a person’s reaction first, before stepping forward. He was in the process of speaking with someone when I walked by, entering the market.

After making my purchases, I exited Trader Joe’s heading for my car where I unloaded the groceries. Returning to the front of the market with the empty cart, I decided to ask the man who’d been there when I entered, what it was he was selling. I had a hunch about his product, but wasn’t absolutely certain.

I waited while he moved wayward carts into position where they were housed. When I asked what he was selling, he confirmed what I’d thought. He was selling “Real Change,” probably more widely known as the “homeless” newspaper, at a dollar apiece. Fumbling though my wallet, I parted with my last $3, and told him I only wanted one paper.

On several visits to the city where my daughter resides, we’d see one or two individuals selling newspapers on the sidewalks outside of church, as we were driving away. Unsure as to who they were, we never slowed down to inquire. Not too long ago, a friend with whom she dances told my daughter that the people we’d seen, and others like them, were homeless men and women trying to earn money. They’d purchase each copy for $.35, and sell them for $1 each. A way to make a living, however meager.

In reading through the few pages that comprise the “Real Change,” I find it to be a “mixed bag” of articles pertaining to those who live on the fringes of society.

“Don’t overlook dangerous stereotypes of the mentally ill” written by Judy Lightfoot, a contributing writer, is about Washington’s SEIU Healthcare union’s use of inflammatory imagery on behalf of mental illness, to keep legislators from cutting funding . Suggesting that sufferers of the disease might resort to violent crimes if government aid is withdrawn, has other advocacy groups up in arms. Some 300 of them have raised concerns that such a stigma would prove unfavorable for their clients in the short, and long-term. After much back and forth, both sides agree they should work together on behalf of the mentally ill. Jonathan Rosenblum at SEIU Healthcare 1199NW concluded that ” ‘All of us who advocate for better mental health care have a tough job to do, connecting the dots with the general public without causing more fear of “the Other.” There’s always a fine line between hauling out the crisis and stigmatizing,’ ” but what advocacy ” ‘ does not need is a lot of “he-said-she-said” about stigmatizing. We need to work together.’ “

“Othello public market aims to create multicultural bazaar”  by another contributing writer, Tom Fucoloro, is more upbeat, demonstrating that living on the fringes is not all bad. It can offer variety, and add “color” to drab existences. A non-profit group is retrofitting a large “Citadel” building which formerly served as a bowling alley, a retail center, a church, and recently, as a venue for raves. The Othello Public Market will be a large, year-round, indoor, public market reflective of the area’s cultural diversity. Current census data indicates that Seattle’s 98118 zip code is the most ethnically diverse in the United States. Market founder Mateo Monda “hopes to fill the big blue building with stalls of produce, hot food, live chickens, a creamery, jewelry and cell phone sales…He has mainly been searching for people whose products are affordable and add to the range of cultures represented. Of course, American food and goods are still welcome…….. ”  Of his personal life Monda says ” ‘I’m living in a sit-com situation, basically,’ with his 81-year-old father, 2 Mexican daughters entering their teens, and his dog.”

From the “Director’s Corner” comes this

I’ve recently been advised that I need to be more positive. That all this doom and gloom about how bad things are just doesn’t do it for people. They want to know about solutions, not problems. They would like more stories about how, amid the wide-spread screwing of the poor, someone got off the street through effective case management and into affordable housing.

It happens. But if people want reassurance that our efforts are somehow adequate and that things are remotely OK, they don’t need me. There are plenty of others, from HUD on down, who are happy to give that perspective. According to them, chronic homelessness is down by 5 percent.

The 2010 National Conference of Mayors’s report on hunger and homelessness is a bit more believable. In the 27 cities surveyed, requests for food assistance rose last year by an average of 24 percent. Here in Seattle, we report that 18 percent of demand went unment, and that food banks are struggling to accommodate rising need without increased resources.

One politician promoted in the article as a role model for others is Governor Mark Dayton of Minnesota, who calls for an increase in taxes for the wealthy “whose fortunes have only improved amidst widespread economic pain.” Dayton is quoted as saying, “ ‘To those who sincerely believe the state budget can be balanced with no tax increase–including no forced property tax increase–I say, if you can do so without destroying our schools, hospitals and public safety, please send me your bill, so I can sign it immediately.’ “

The article concludes,

Our work, simply put, is to create the environment where leaders such as Dayton can survive and win. If the people, as Gregoire says, ‘have spoken’ and there will be no new taxes, it’s because she has not offered the right message. We need to help her with that.

“real change”…a newspaper with a message…hugmamma.

check out the “real change” website for more information, and while there, view their mission statement on youtube.